How Hard Gay relates to children (No, I do not have a penis)
The excursion today was a delightfully exhausting one. First to a local kindergarten, which was of course adorable in all the ways you expect plus several others, not the least of which was being allowed to watch a group of forty 3-5 year olds performing a synchronised dance to the Totoro theme.
After our juice and joyful goodbyes however, we were moving on to far greater horrors. We were visiting the elementary school.
I should mention at this point that the AET for this elementary school is far better equipped to deal with hyperactive children than I am, being that he's a towering african man who can scare them just by looking at them.
After some initial introductions, I landed myself in a classroom of 8-year-olds for lunch - curry and bread. The most important thing to remember when eating lunch at a elementary school is that the kids are expected to eat everything on their plate, and thus, so are you. Teachers must set an example. As someone nursing a stomach ulcer that's particularly sensitive to spicy foods like curry, I knew I was in for trouble, but not as much trouble as if I tried to weasel out of eating. So with much enthusiasm and charading, down it all went.
The kids loved having such a novelty in their classroom, and thus bombarded me with questions. Unfortunately, my japanese is still extremely poor, so I couldn't answer many of them, and the teacher wasn't exactly jumping in to help. No dramas. When in doubt, use physical comedy. It never fails in Japan. I put on my sunglasses, leapt up majestically, declared to the world that I was Razor Ramon HG and did my very best 'FUUUUUUU!!'. It brought the house down, and within seconds the kids were madly shouting for more impressions. 'Do Superman!' 'Do Anpanman!' 'Do Doraemon!' ... I kept up pretty well, but could only get through one or two at a time before the rest of the class would start trying to get me to put my sunnies back on for a HardGay encore. I think I must've left a good dozen 'Fuuu's' (and an insane amount of manic laughter) behind when I left.
After lunch comes playtime (I was hoping for a nap myself), and so, crippled with unfathomable pain from my now-seething stomach, I put on my best A-chan smile and skipped out into the schoolyard. I very quickly accumulated a small posse of girls who followed me about as I introduced myself to all the students. At one point a rogue soccer ball came our way and, undeterred by my skirt and platform boots, I gave it an almighty kick that sent it flying back across the courtyard. The girls looked up at me in amazement and then asked me rather accusingly if I was a boy. The problem was, they kept using a word for 'boy' that I hadn't heard before, so I couldn't figure out quite what they were asking. Refusing to give up, one girl made a grand gesture towards her 9-year-old crotch and asked if I had a penis. I told her I did not. I should've known it wouldn't be that simple. The other girls repeated the question, so that I was now faced with 3 adorable japanese elementary school students pointing their crotches at me and demanding 'penis desu ka?'. And no matter what I said, they consulted with each other and reached the conclusion that yes, surely I must have a penis, stated the fact with final convinction, and logged it into their little 9-year-old brains for future reference: gaijin ladies have penises.
The rest of the day passed without major incident. I'd had approximately 5 hours sleep in the last two days, and was thus overly-genki in that glassy-eyed sort of way. Some students were delighted to interview me, while others were too frightened because I wouldn't stop dancing. Really, I was just trying to stay awake. 20 students made me origami, which I attached to my clothes and head in a variety of ways, declaring myself the origami princess. This scored even more novelty points when I got back to my homeschool and greeted all my Junior High Students. My coworkers are gradually becoming less surprised by my antics.
After our juice and joyful goodbyes however, we were moving on to far greater horrors. We were visiting the elementary school.
I should mention at this point that the AET for this elementary school is far better equipped to deal with hyperactive children than I am, being that he's a towering african man who can scare them just by looking at them.
After some initial introductions, I landed myself in a classroom of 8-year-olds for lunch - curry and bread. The most important thing to remember when eating lunch at a elementary school is that the kids are expected to eat everything on their plate, and thus, so are you. Teachers must set an example. As someone nursing a stomach ulcer that's particularly sensitive to spicy foods like curry, I knew I was in for trouble, but not as much trouble as if I tried to weasel out of eating. So with much enthusiasm and charading, down it all went.
The kids loved having such a novelty in their classroom, and thus bombarded me with questions. Unfortunately, my japanese is still extremely poor, so I couldn't answer many of them, and the teacher wasn't exactly jumping in to help. No dramas. When in doubt, use physical comedy. It never fails in Japan. I put on my sunglasses, leapt up majestically, declared to the world that I was Razor Ramon HG and did my very best 'FUUUUUUU!!'. It brought the house down, and within seconds the kids were madly shouting for more impressions. 'Do Superman!' 'Do Anpanman!' 'Do Doraemon!' ... I kept up pretty well, but could only get through one or two at a time before the rest of the class would start trying to get me to put my sunnies back on for a HardGay encore. I think I must've left a good dozen 'Fuuu's' (and an insane amount of manic laughter) behind when I left.
After lunch comes playtime (I was hoping for a nap myself), and so, crippled with unfathomable pain from my now-seething stomach, I put on my best A-chan smile and skipped out into the schoolyard. I very quickly accumulated a small posse of girls who followed me about as I introduced myself to all the students. At one point a rogue soccer ball came our way and, undeterred by my skirt and platform boots, I gave it an almighty kick that sent it flying back across the courtyard. The girls looked up at me in amazement and then asked me rather accusingly if I was a boy. The problem was, they kept using a word for 'boy' that I hadn't heard before, so I couldn't figure out quite what they were asking. Refusing to give up, one girl made a grand gesture towards her 9-year-old crotch and asked if I had a penis. I told her I did not. I should've known it wouldn't be that simple. The other girls repeated the question, so that I was now faced with 3 adorable japanese elementary school students pointing their crotches at me and demanding 'penis desu ka?'. And no matter what I said, they consulted with each other and reached the conclusion that yes, surely I must have a penis, stated the fact with final convinction, and logged it into their little 9-year-old brains for future reference: gaijin ladies have penises.
The rest of the day passed without major incident. I'd had approximately 5 hours sleep in the last two days, and was thus overly-genki in that glassy-eyed sort of way. Some students were delighted to interview me, while others were too frightened because I wouldn't stop dancing. Really, I was just trying to stay awake. 20 students made me origami, which I attached to my clothes and head in a variety of ways, declaring myself the origami princess. This scored even more novelty points when I got back to my homeschool and greeted all my Junior High Students. My coworkers are gradually becoming less surprised by my antics.
FOOOOOO!!
I would pay to see photos of that :) I'm loving your stories A-chan! It sounds liek you're really having a wonderful time with the kids. Please keep them coming :)
Posted by Neil | 10:58 AM
(hint, add a payal icon to your blog, maybe you'll get lucky
-Luke)
Posted by Anonymous | 6:52 PM
Just don't show them your ID card, otherwise they'll be even more sure about your supposed male member XDDD
- Sefie
Posted by Anonymous | 5:00 PM
My coworkers are gradually becoming less surprised by my antics.
I think there may need to be uppage of some form of ante.
Posted by Nic Jones | 10:57 PM
bwahahahahaha~!!! XD
That's genius!
I love the comment: gaijin ladies have penises - I fully laughed myself silly XD
Posted by crystalline | 3:33 PM